Loyalty

I am having a culture clash with my own culture these days. It has been a while since I've written here because life has been so full of transitions that I have not often had the time to sit down and reflect, but lately I keep bumping up against a cultural norm that really disturbs me: lack of loyalty. It just seems that today people's loyalties are very fickle. In marriage, in work partnerships, in all relationships, people are not willing to stick it out and work through problems like they used to. I even find myself tempted to do the same. "It's too hard, I'm too tired or too busy, I'll just stop going or stop calling and it will go away."

I hate when I think like that. Some of you may deem me ignorant -- I deserve that sometimes, too -- but I think there is still a place for loyalty in this world, and my culture in particular. One of the best and worst examples of it recently was George W. Bush, whose loyalty was admirable but led him to accept blame for many things others he trusted were doing. It also may have led him to follow them at times when more thought and debate was warranted, simply because he trusted them and wanted to be loyal. So, you see, loyalty can be good and bad.

But there is something to be said for the type of loyalty where people are there for each other through thick and thin. The type of loyalty that makes people run toward each other in times of crisis instead of running away. My Grandma Nora was like that, from what everyone tells me. She was never too busy to drop whatever she was doing and pray for someone or help them talk things through. She was the kind of friend people could depend on. I don't know about you, but I could sure use a few more of those.

There is something to be said for the husband who says "I am miserable. Our marriage is not working. I am very unhappy most of the time, but I choose to stay with you because we promised each other and God, and we need to work this out." That is a hard choice to make these days. And it is all the more rare, too, from what I see around me.

What about Jonathan who was loyal to his friend David even as Jonathan's father, Saul, was trying to have David killed? What about Paul, whose loyalty for Christ was so strong that he was willing to face the very torture and hardship he had once imposed on others in the name of God? How hard that kind of loyalty must have been?

Hard though it may, I think such loyalty is a quality sorely missing from our world today. That's why, despite the price he paid and the mistakes made, I admire George W. Bush for his loyalty, and I hope I can be loyal in the right times and for the right reasons. I hope my loyalty is strong and unfaltering. And I hope I can find some people who will be loyal like that for me, too. The world would be a better place.

For what it's worth...

Culture Shock

I just heard something which is throwing me thru a loop -- some people who helped make me who I am voted for a political candidate whose entire party and whose values are opposed to all they taught me to believe in. For the life of me, I can't seem to get past feeling that I'm in an identity crisis. If they don't believe everything I have stood for and thought they stood for for 39 years, beliefs I built my life around, which effected so many decisions, even cost me heavy prices sometimes -- then who am I?

It's a culture shock, I guess. I knew the culture was changing and the sense of base values with it. And I knew these people had become a bit more liberal in their thinking, mostly due to the confusing arguments put forth by opponents of traditional values which water them down in many people's minds. It's easy to be led astray when we fail to consult the scriptures and evaluate things in light of the truth of God's Word. How many times do we fail to go to God's Word when we are faced with moral questions which strike at the heart of our core beliefs? Operating on logic doesn't work, because our sinful nature can be confused. We have to operate on faith and let the Holy Spirit speak wisdom to our hearts.

So many Americans who claim to be Christians voted against that this past election for reasons which I still don't understand. It still haunts me to think of so many people being misguided and leading this country down a very dangerous path. But these people -- they just can't be the same people I thought they were if they voted this way. They are too well educated, too smart... And I have lost people whom I looked up to and who were my allies when I felt alone in my beliefs. Now I feel I am alone. Not really. I know others who share my convictions, but I have never felt so lonely.

It has always been hard to stand up in the face of the changing values of a world, drifting away from traditional values. It has always been hard to have integrity. You have to be willing to have a culture clash with the world around you. You have to be willing to be an oddball, march to a different drummer, to not care what others say or think. One high school friend said that was what he always admired about me -- I always was who I said I was. He found it reliable and he respected it, even though he was far different than me. Since then, he has come to share the same values I have now, and he often wonders how I tolerated him then.

I have never been one who wanted to preach my values to others. I stand up for them. I am ready to explain them, but I never wanted to convert anyone or force my views upon them. Not that I don't hope they convert. I just don't treat it like a battlefield. I prefer to let my actions and my life witness rather than try and argue or convince with words. But lately, I feel such a sense of culture shock. The world has changed around me, and sometimes it seems the larger group of which I used to be a part has gotten smaller and smaller. Sometimes the majority who once shared my values, now seems like a minority. It's so disappointing, because the beliefs I am talking about have been at the core of our society and national identity. No wonder the world doesn't seem to know who we are any more or even like us. Who likes someone who doesn't stand for anything or who violates their own values? Not many, in my experience. At least not after high school.

So here I am watching two idols fall. Not idols as in a religious object I worshipped, but people I looked up to and whose example I tried to follow. I never thought I'd stop, but that ended when I found out they were no longer the people I thought they were. And now I don't know whose example to follow. Or maybe I have just put too much into following human example and not enough into following Christ. After all, Christ should be our only idol and our example, right? That is what the Bible instructs. It is what I claim to believe. Maybe God is using this to shock me back into proper focus. Maybe this culture shock is a sign of my own straying from the goal. Am I off course, too? It's definitely time to reevaluate.

For what it's worth...

Don't Miss THE MIDDLEMAN

Okay, I am going to stray from usual topics because I can't help it. I have to recommend a new show to you.

I have never been a big fan of comic books. It’s not that I dislike them or don’t respect the art form. They just never appealed to me the way that a good fiction novel and my own imagination did. I have read a few, mostly those with tie-ins to movies I loved like Star Wars. They just aren’t my thing. But I love science fiction, and I love tv. And so I must recommend the delightful new ABC Family Show “The Middleman,” which airs Monday nights. Okay, I confess. I am friends with the show’s creator. We went to college together, but we have not been in close touch for several years. So I am not overly biased. Javier did, however, give me the most encouraging words I ever received during my first attempt to break into Hollywood as a writer. And I have never forgotten. In fact, the memory of his words is what has kept me going in my second attempt.

But I digress. “The Middleman” is about a super hero, actually more of a super secret agent, assigned to investigate criminals of a supernatural, science fiction-like kind. And it’s about his sidekick, Wendy Watson, a wanna be artist temping her way through to pay bills while awaiting success -- like so many of us have done past and present. The show has sparkling dialogue and great pop culture references from shows like “Planet of The Apes” to things like the Xbox, on which Wendy honed they very skills she now employs in her temp job fighting bad guys.

The actors do an excellent job selling the material and bringing the characters to life. The production values are top notch. And they even got “24’s” beloved Chloe O’Brien (Mary Lynn Rajskub) to do a guest shot in the pilot as an evil scientist. The show features everything from aliens to talking apes to human beings. And it stays away from cliché, by even making its cliché-like moments (which all of us find hard to avoid at times in our writing) sizzle and twist in unexpected ways. The result is one of the best new shows I’ve seen since, well, “24” or even “Lost,” which coincidentally employed Javier for its first two seasons. It’s clever, it’s entertaining, and it’s just plain fun. Don’t miss “The Middleman.” You won’t forget it.

By the way, it even has elements of culture clash in it as Wendy is dragged into a world beyond her comprehension and adapts handily to it. While in the meantime, maintaining our connection to the world we all inhabit and was formerly her only home. It's interesting to watch those dynamics play out, and Javier being one of the foremost Hispanic writers in Hollywood -- along with the actress playing Wendy who happens to be Hispanic -- I imagine we have only seen a foretaste of the interesting culture clashes to come.

Days 4 and 5

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Okay, sorry, I dropped the ball. Between shaky internet connectability, my wife's arrival to join the team, and the loss of my camera (which was stolen), I have had some distractions and difficulties. Our books still did not arrive, but our students did rehearse for graduation today and it was thrilling to watch people who had never had the chance to perform like this perform together, all at once, over 30.

Ryan and Jacob led us in great times of worship the past three days, and we sent Ryan home today. Jacob leaves tomorrow, before the graduation. I wish they could be here for this, but understand well their need to get home. In any case, no new pictures for the rest of this trip, as I have no camera and have to rely on others to provide them. I will get them eventually, but for now, sorry about that. No one's sorrier than me that I have to replace it.

Day Three Report

Last night went very well. The students joined us in worship, and we had good sessions of teaching. A few late arrivals, but things went very well. We all agreed we're so focused that we aren't even noticing the heat.

Today, we took a tour of the city and visited an overlook showing both sides of the border as well as visited the market and the original mission. We also saw several BEAMM sites. It was a good opportunity to see the context in which BEAMM works and where we have been since Sunday night.

Day Two Highlights: Fotolog

Here are photos of key moments from tonight's sessions:

Ryan, Jacob, and Bryan leading worship.

Ryan McMillen teaching keyboards.
Aaron Zapata teaching guitar.



























































Jacob Tilton teaching guitar.

Worship Camp 2008 Day Two

This morning we were invited to go to a team meeting for the missionaries, but I decided it was better to stay in and rest. We need to be well rested, because we teach for four hours a night with no air conditioning and not a day this week is supposed be below 100 Fahrenheit. I am sad that the team will not meet all the missionaries, but since last night was our first class session, and we have 35+ students rather than the 10 originally expected, we have to adjust our lesson plans to the situation and the skill levels we now know of our students. And we have to rehearse and prepare for worship as well. These workshops are also intense and I want these guys to be well rested and prepared. That's more important than a fellowship time. The other reality is the meeting is across the border and the travel would take an extra two hours or so.

But we will take a break to go out to lunch and do some shopping today. We also will have a prayer time together and perhaps even devotions. It is good to get to know my own Worship Director better. Ryan McMillen is a nice guy and very patient and gentle. But he also can be more reserved and quiet than I am (I know everyone's thinking how great that is). This is a chance to get to know each other better as people and as musicians which will help us to serve Chesterfield Presbyterian Church better when we return.

And Jacob Tilton is so talented. I hope I get the chance to worship at his church, Fort Worth Presbyterian Church, again. We visited there last May for a BEAMM team meeting related to Mexico, and it's a great location and nice facility, but Jacob happened to be gone that week. Jaxob is also a great guy and fun musician for Ryan and I to partner with. Both Ryan and Jacob worked hard to learn songs in Spanish and we are each trading off leading songs like "Lord I Lift Your Name On High," "Forever," "Open The Eyes Of My Heart," and hymns as well.

Last night I asked Ryan and Jacob to play two famous Mexican songs sight unseen to demonstrate to students how important it is to know music theory. They did well playing "Mexican Hat Dance" and "La Cucaracha" though I know Jacob felt like he didn't overwhelm. It was not about showing off musical skill as much as showing off the value of music theory knowledge, and both demonstrated that well. The songs were recognized and the students smiled and clapped. Here are two songs similar in this culture to our own "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" or "Old McDonald" which everyone knows. Of course, my team might have heard them, but had never played them. So for them to play them off the sheet music so well the first time, made the point I wanted made well.

We had a large group session, post-worship, in Music Theory and I raced through the basics in an hour. Most of the students did not learn it this way, of course. A few already knew things. But the idea was not to teach it as much as get them familiar with the symbols, words, and concepts they will need to learn this week. I think that was accomplished, but I also hope we wet their appetite. I am going to tell them that if they want it, I can come back and really teach music theory. And we'll see what happens. It would serve them well.

After that session, we broke into four classes. Basic Guitar, Basic Keyboards, and Advanced Guitar and Advanced Keyboard. Ryan had two Advanced Piano students and Jacob had around eight in guitar. We had 17 basic guitar and around 15 basic keyboard students. Jacob said he got through more than expected. I felt the same. Ryan felt he got through exactly what he planned. So that is a good first day.

I am having to teach differently than I would normally approach things at the request of the missionaries. They want the students to learn how to play basic chords. But teaching basic chords without the building blocks of notation, scales, etc. is very difficult. Add to that the fact that I have never taught piano before, and I need your prayers. I am winging it big time. But I am just committing it to God and letting him lead me, and the students learned 3 of 7 major chords last night. They also learned the intervals and steps needed to find any major chord. We'll test their retention today, but that is good progress.

Add to that the fact that the terminology is Spanish, which we don't speak. And some of the translators are not always aware of musical terminology. Another challenge for the classes is that we have a mix of ages. We have kids who may well be 10 years old and we have adults in their 40s. That is both exciting and challenging. But we are very thankful just for the opportunity. It is such a blessing to share with these people. No culture clashing so far that I know of, other than perhaps a few organizational things. But God is with us and all will be well.

Worship Camp 2008 Begins

Here we are. What a team. Worship Directors from two PCA churches and one former Contemporary Christian Singer in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico to teach about worship. We got good rest today and managed to sneak in a three hour or so rehearsal of the songs for the week and talk over worship. These guys are such pros and fun to work with, that it makes it easy on me.

We have some stresses though. Our songbooks are lost in the unholy U.S. mail, which I am going to phase my business out of, because they raise rates and promise better service and can't even make a guaranteed 6 business day delivery in 20 days. I'm not upset at all, can't you tell? Anyway, we also did not get copies made of the visuals for the Music Theory lecture and for the worship songs for the students, so Jacob drew my drawings while I taught.

There were more frustrations than I have had in a while. None of them because of these wonderful team members. I work hard to plan and prepare and when things don't get executed or interpreted the way I intended, things don't go smoothly, and so I am a bit frustrated. But I give it to the Lord. Our travel was safe and our time together in fellowship has been a blessing. And the teaching went well. On top of that, our work as a worship team was smooth as silk.

Anyway it's almost 1 a.m. St. Louis time and I am exhausted but here are three pics and some comments. We will post more soon. We are looking forward to tomorrow. God Bless!

Culture Clashing Films

http://www.pangeaday.org/pangeadayFilms.php

To learn about cultures around the world, view these short films celebrating diversity!

Life From The Inside...Cuba

A new blog worth checking out. Written by a cuban inside about life there.
http://www.desdecuba.com/generationy/

How are you today? I don't care...

My wife struggles with the issue of the standard every day "How are you?" So common in our culture. Not that she doesn't understand the question. She doesn't understand the reason. "Why do people ask if they don't care about the answer?" That's her question. In Brazil, when people ask, they expect a detailed, honest answer. But in the U.S. when you answer with anything much beyond "Fine" or "Ok," people act bored.

She has a point. Just try one day of answering that question honestly and you'll see how fast the eyes glaze over. "How are you?" "Well, actually, my cat is sick, and my car needs a new engine. And I don't know how I'm going to pay for the vet and repairs, and to top it off, I'm coming down with something..." SNORE! People will become too busy to talk really quick and avoid you the rest of the day. Okay, not most people you really know well, but any casual acquaintances you can count on it.

In the U.S. we have a habit of asking the question as politeness, not genuine concern. And for someone from a culture where genuine concern and interest is more than politeness, it is hard to understand that. Believe it or not, in some cultures people would far rather engage in a meaningful conversation than watch tv or movies. They would even rather be with other people, getting to know them, than eating or doing about anything else. In these cultures, relationships are top priority. So imagine being in a country where independence is the highest priority, and people tend to keep small circles and hold everything in.

My wife is a friendly person who longs for community. To her, when a person asks: "How are you?" It is an investment of interest. Not a polite greeting. She took it as a genuine concern. And when she discovered people's eyes glazing over during her honest answers, she was hurt. And baffled. She doesn't get why people pretend to care, when they don't. In Brazil, people who don't want to get into a conversation or care, just greet others politely with "Oi" (hi) or "Bom dia" (good day). They make no attempt to pretend interest. It's more direct and more genuine. At least to someone from a culture where relating to others is so highly valued.

To me, it's a reminder that we've lost something. Our lack of community, our independent-mindedness, tends to numb us to genuine concern and caring, and separate us from one another. We guard our inner selves like closely held military secrets, and keep our lives and problems from the prying eyes and ears of all but our closest associates. No wonder politicians and others find it so easy to divide us. We hardly know each other. It is much easier to be suspicious and distrusting of people whom we know so little about. And even harder to care about them.

For what it's worth...

Blogger Approach

A friend of mine recently said: "I don't get into blogs at all. Who wants to know that you're staring at the wall, wearing green socks and bored? If you don't have more to say than that, don't waste my time." I must say, I agree with him, which is why my blogs sometimes sit months or weeks with no posts. I absolutely refuse to post such tripe. I enjoy blogging. I am a professional writer, so I enjoy writing. But I have always hoped my blog posts would not be considered tripe. You might not agree with them or find them interesting, but at least they have substance.

Ironically, it would seem my attitude clashes with much of the blogging culture. There are an awful lot of blogs out there being posted to for weeks on end with such posts, and that's why I, like my friend, don't read many blogs very often. In any case, allow me to recommend a few which I do find interesting:

http://chaodai.livejournal.com/ -- This one, written by an old friend of mine who is producing a tv show he created called Minute Man, is interesting for those who like me want to write television and film or just wonder about that lifestyle

http://www.greyswriters.com/ -- This one is for Grey's Anatomy fans by the writers of the show. It's always interesting, but sometimes they get a little too into themselves and over think it.

http://timeoutforworship.blogspot.com -- this is my new devotional blog. I have been submitting devotions to magazines like The Upper Room and Secret Place with some success. Here is where I post ones which were not accepted for various reasons but which I still think are worthy for those who like devotions.

I will post more, but those are a few favorites for now.

You Want To Be In America, Speak English!

Talk about a culture clash! Here I am writing professionally now, more than ever before, and I have not blogged in eight months! Time flew by! I have travelled internationally several times, but no major culture clashing incidents occurred. Except this one, so here it is.

My wife recently said something that blew my mind: "You want to be in America, speak English." Now, she was referring to some Bosnians at work, who speak their language all day long. They speak English, too, but they have all these private chats amongst themselves and it was driving her crazy because she couldn't understand. My wife is a talented linguist who speaks four languages and parts of others. She loves language.

What shocked me was, my wife is an immigrant, who frequently complains about how hard it is for immigrants in the U.S. She feels she has been discriminated against in the job market and other situations. I am not always so sure it is as bad as she thinks it is, but then I am not there when the incidents happen, and it took almost a year in the U.S. for her to find a decent job, and I had to pull strings. My wife has a bachelor's degree in English and Portuguese Literature and is a trained language instructor. So don't go thinking she doesn't have skills. But she does love to chit chat, and sometimes she seems a little strange to people. They don't know how to take her. And I tend to think this had more to do with her job troubles than the fact that she's an immigrant, but who knows. She has legitimate immigration papers. She is not illegal. I do know that people are much more wary these days of immigrants because of the government crack down.

In any case, here's my immigrant wife, who is fluent in English, criticizing these other immigrants for not using English. Again, all of them actually speak English. They just like to chat with each other. Bianca told me: "All I hear all day is spreska forska ickska Bryan spreska forska ickska Bianca. So I started talking that way, too, and they asked me where I learned Russian." LOL. She was toying with them, but they thought it was a real language. Like I said, my wife has language skills.

I did find it interesting to hear this from her though, given her rants about anti-immigrant treatment in the U.S., but I don't disagree with her. You don't have to lose your cultural identity to make an effort to communicate in a place you choose to live. Without effective communication in modern society, you will have a hard time getting anything done or succeeding in any way. So I agree with her in a sense. But no one says you have to speak English all the time. Especially when your coworkers are from the same culture and speak the same language. I am sure it eases their homesickness and helps them feel connected to speak amongst themselves in their language. And I take no issue with that. I never heard them speak to customers in anything but English when I was there.

In any case, one of the issues I have seen a lot is people from other countries sticking to their own and not making the effort, and it causes problems. At the seminary I attended, the Koreans hung together so much, they could not keep up with the school work, because their English was not improving. So the school had to make rules about it, and enforce standards for language. Some might call that discriminatory, but in any country, when you attend a school, they have to teach in the native language (except for a few private school exceptions). And you must have a certain proficiency to have academic success. I see nothing wrong with that. It's why I have not studied overseas yet, because my language skills are not up to the challenge. Portuguese is my best foreign tongue, and even in Portuguese, I know I need work.

There is nothing wrong with immigrants forming a support community, of course. Good for them! Good for them for wanting to celebrate their culture and even share it with the community around them. But they cannot ignore the need to participate in the larger culture. You cannot successfully or peacefully live amongst others without respecting and appreciating the larger culture and making some effort to belong to it. Not because you want to lose your own culture, but because you now belong to more than one culture. At least while you're there.

For what it's worth...

Culture Clash of Time & Distance

One of my wife's favorite phrases to describe places in Rio De Janeiro, her hometown, is "It's next to my house." This phrase is the source of a major culture clash for us. When she says this, I am assuming, okay, we can walk there in five minutes or less. What I discovered more than once: we can walk there in forty minutes or less, if I'm lucky!

An example happened the other day. We drove eight minutes, or around 5.5 miles to Cherokee and Lemp to the Mexican district to shop for some items. My wife kept track of the time and proudly declare that now she knew the Mexican Grocery is next to our house. I said: "It's not next to our house! It's a long way from it." She said: "Bryan! Come on! Only eight minutes! So close!" Sure. Did I mention we drove there at 65 miles per hour on Insterstate 44? Still she is determined that it's next to our house.

In Rio, we had this problem all the time. Bianca would describe places as next to her house, but when it came time to actually getting there, it was far enough, we took a cab. To me, any place we can't walk to on our own is not close. And the term "next to my house" indicates something close. Not so to Bianca. But then Rio De Janeiro is a big city. And spread out. So maybe that's why her concept of close is different than mine.

I wonder if this relates to the concept of time. In Ghana, Mexico, and Brazil I have experienced non-white time. What this basically means is that if something begins at eight, you show at nine or after. And it's not rude. The only exception is something like a movie, which starts on time, after the usual bevy of previews and commercials, or church services. Also, if you show up late for a job interview, it makes a bad impression. Otherwise, lateness is fine. Of course, the one your interview is with will let you sit at least an hour before he or she shows up, but you must be there on time. If you are invited to someone's home, showing up on time is considered rude, and often the host's will not be ready yet (still in the shower, still preparing). In such cases, showing up on time inconveniences the hosts. Yes, I am serious.

Patrick Oster, in his book The Mexicans, quotes sociologists who describe this concept as a form of protest. Mexicans live lives so controlled by factors beyond their control (government, crime, etc.) that when they have the chance, by showing up late, they are saying: "I still own my time." And they usually trickle in over the course of an hour after we start any program there. This last time, in fact, some showed up ten minutes before the end of the program. As one who was raised to be punctual, this can drive me batty. (Some would claim batty's so close I could walk or next to my house). But I have learned, with time, to accept this reality when dealing with other cultures.

However, it's funny how different it seems when dealing with my wife. My wife is late for everything. Not by much, thank goodness, but she'll say "let's go" fifty times before she actually heads for the door. It frustrates me so much, I often head to the car and tell her if she's not there when it starts, I'll leave her. I wouldn't do that (would I?) but it usually motivates her to move things along. That's why I tell her we have to go for most things with plenty of time to spare. I allow for an extra thirty minutes. It's the only way I have of ensuring we can leave in proper time to arrive "white time." Even if it's "next to our house."

For what it's worth...

Peace and Respect For Others

In an 1867 speech to the burgeoning Republic of Mexico, Benito Juarez, soon to be President, stated: "The people and government must respect the rights of everyone. Among individuals as among nations, peace means respect for the rights of others." How true that is, and how sad that respect for the rights of others seems so absent from our society today. For me, that's a source of constant culture clashes -- trying to reconcile myself with the world of today vs. the world I grew up in and often still wish it was.

People are so divided these days. They don't see shades of grey, just black and white, and you can't be both. You have to choose one or the other. Liberals malign Conservatives as bad people. Conservatives malign Liberals the same way. I rarely find it so simple to line things up. I am a Conservative, but in my younger days I leaned more Liberal. Where that leaves me today is somewhere in the middle. I embrace the biblical traditional values that seem to out of fashion these days. I still believe that living together outside of marriage is wrong, that divorce is tragic, that abortion is murder, and that lying is a character flaw. And there are many more. These make me an odd-ball, it would seem, from looking at the world around us.

How many people expect honesty from others? How many people are truly disappointed and upset when they don't receive it? How many practice it they way they want it to be practiced by others? Most people seem to prefer it for themselves from others, but not want to offer it from themselves to others. Living together outside of marriage and divorce have become the norm. Abortion seems to be the only one that still draws strong debate. Why?

In my opinion, there is less and less a sense of community and responsibility toward one another, and more of an every man for himself climate in this society today. And it is destructive to all of us. Maybe it's just that the most polarized people have the loudest voices or talk the most. Maybe the rest of the moderates, like me, are so shocked by what they see, they don't know what to say or where to begin to respond to it.

For example, I am Republican, but I favor gun control. I also favor more government care for the needy, funding for education, and fairer taxes for lower income vs. favored taxation for higher income. However, I am against gay marriage, and I am against abortion. But I do not believe in bombing abortion clinics or beating up gay people (nor discriminating against them in other ways). I also believe personal beliefs have a place in politics. That's why it matters a great deal to me what a candidate believes. And why I laugh when candidates campaign on their beliefs then deny that they will unduly influence their decisions in office. I say if you really believe something, it will always influence you. A man who claims belief in things and then fails to have that belief influence his decisions is a man with no integrity and nothing to offer (no to mention, confused about his own beliefs).

My own beliefs are complicated and have evolved over a long period of life experience, education, travel, etc. Being an adopted child, born of date rape, certainly influences my view on abortion, for example. Being well educated, influences my belief in the importance of education. My work with the poor around the world, influences my belief that taxes should not penalize those who can least afford to pay them, and that those with more wealth need to do more to help provide for those less fortunate. My belief in Christ influences my belief that violence and murder are not the way to defend your positions, and provide no high moral ground, but at the same time, I believe Sadaam Hussein needed to be removed from power and Al Quaeda needs to be fought like the enemy to all people it truly is.

Other people have had different experiences, such as my wife. And that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything, as long as I feel respected. And that's the rub. Too often, there is no respect these days for people of different beliefs. Maybe that's why the world feels like an unpeaceful place. Why hate seems more and more common, and public critiques of others seem more and more hateful and hurtful. People see no reason to mince words for those who embrace opinions they find completely abominable. The KKK and American Nazi party and others should welcome this change. They no longer seem so radical. They no longer have to feel outcast. Everyone else is speaking hateful things about people they disagree with, right?

The more I have thought about this the more I have become convicted that we have to get back toward the way things used to be if we are going to get back to a sense of peace in our society. Where there is no respect, there is no peaceful coexistence. And I don't know about you, but I like peace.

For what it's worth...

Living in Fear v. Living in Faith

My wife, Bianca, lives in a world where everyone is suspect, where you cannot trust people, and where there's danger lurking around every corner. I live in a world where you should not trust everyone, caution is common sense, but one can live and move through most days without concern about being a victim of violence or crime, as long as you follow the first two rules. Yes, we live in the same house. Such is the nature of cross cultural relationships.

First of all, a little background might be helpful. My wife, Bianca, was born and raised in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, without a doubt one of the most violent cities on Earth. The latest statics I can find are from 2002 where the murder rate was 28.5 per 100,000, one of the highest in the world. Supposedly it is only rising. As a victim of Brazilian criminals myself, I can tell you that Rio is one place I do actually feel a sense of fear daily, when walking around. I have been concerned in places like Mexico and Ghana, about possible crime. After all, especially right now, Americans are targets. And I always expect that I am on someone's radar who might wish to do me harm, when I am in public places in other countries. But in Saint Louis, walking around, while I keep my eyes open, pay attention to my surroundings, limit the cash I carry, etc., I don't tend to be afraid. My car was broken into once in 7 years, and I left the back window cracked too wide. But my wife grew up in that world, where caution was a necessity. Yet she was not a victim of crime until we were robbed on the beach in 2005. And they did not rob her, just me.

My background is growing up in a small town of 45,000 people in Kansas, where we all pretty much knew everyone else. Street crime and petty theft were not common experiences of anyone I knew. Violence was a rarity in the local paper. It was a quiet place to grow up. (Too quiet, if you ask my wife, who finds small towns very boring.) But since I left Kansas, I have lived in one city after another: Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, Kansas City, and Saint Louis. Since I am 38, and I left home at 18, that means over half my life, I have lived in cities. In that time, I have been a victim of crime maybe 4 times. Identity theft, lost/stolen cell phone, car broken into twice. Outside the U.S., I have been a victim twice: pickpocket in Ghana and robbed in Brazil.

From this explanation, it is not obvious that Bianca should feel more afraid of crime than me. Though I am 13 years older than her, I have been a victim of more crimes. Yet I feel safer. Part of the reason, I suppose is my inherent desire to believe in the goodness of people. I used to live constantly expecting the best until someone proved me wrong. As our culture has changed, I have had to greatly revise such expectations. They have been tested many times. But nonetheless, I still believe most people are inherently good and not out to get me. Bianca tends to think the opposite. She doesn't trust anyone. Not even me. Although, I am working on that part.

In any case, the reason seems to be more of the cultural and environmental realities in which we grew up and learned how to face the world. For someone of Bianca's background, with people being shot at in public, killed and robbed regularly, and a general sense of lack of law and order, she grew up to be very cautious and apprehensive. Certain situations, especially, trigger natural instincts of self-protection, which I don't have, because I have a different background. For someone like me, crime was a rarity. Most people were nice, friendly, and generally not prone to harming me. So I felt safe, and tend to regard people as safe until I have reason not to. This does not mean I walk around in a foolish, dilusional daze. It just means that I start out with a more trusting attitude.

To me, I tend to live in faith in people, generally, while Bianca lives in fear. It's not that she's constantly quaking in her boots. It's more of a general expectation that people have to earn trust. They don't start out with any vested in them. This cultural clash is something that happens a lot between small town and big city dwellers, and it happens a lot between Americans and those of other cultures. In any case, it's an interesting (I think) example of how culture effects our outlook on the world -- culture clash in action.

For what it's worth...

Do You Remember...?

Do you remember the days when people who worked hard were rewarded to it?

Do you remember the days when integrity was regarded as a positive quality?

Do you remember the days when people were honest and decent to each other just because it was right, not to gain something?

What happened?

Sometimes I wonder. I remember, and sometimes I think I am the only person trying to live that way. Every once in a while I meet someone who reminds me that that's not true, but yet I wish it wasn't every once in a while. I wish it was more often.

Sometimes that's why I don't blog. The blogosphere, the internet in general, can be so depressing. So many scams, liars, people being cruel and hiding behind the anonymity it provides. It seems to so often bring out the worst in people. Did I mention popups or viruses or hackers?

These behaviors used to be the exception. Now, more and more, they seem like the rule. Why is that? I think it's a decline in our culture. I think it's a loss of our values. And with it, I think it's a loss of what made us great -- our national identity. We still try and ride the high horse like we did in the old days, only the moral foundation is no longer there. No wonder other nations mock us and hold us in contempt. No wonder we have lost our standing in the world. Who are we to look up to these days?

I guess this is a depressing post. It isn't meant to be. It is meant to be a reminder, and a challenge. If anyone else misses those days, we can only bring them back by living them out ourselves, one person at a time. It starts with each individual. Only by example can we lead.

For what it's worth...

Our Changing Culture

Bernie Miklasz' column yesterday in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch titled "Baseball Is Selling Its Soul Alongside Bonds Mementos" really struck me. The whole steriods-baseball-Bonds controversy has really been bothering me ever since it appeared a few years back. It's a sad statement really on the state of affairs in our culture.

I was just thinking driving to work about how I saw Barry Bonds play years ago. Giants v. Dodgers. My friend had gone to high school with Bonds. And I was a Dodgers fan. So we argued about who was better. Bonds or various others. I was still a George Brett fan, having grown up in KC and been in awe of Brett's 80s hitting streak, etc. It was amazing how a man could so consistently hit like that. I remember starting to feel the same way about Mark Maguire years later here in St. Louis. And Sammy Sosa was there too -- wow, two at one time. But then the word came out about steriods. Just a trickle at first.

There had always been rumors, of course, but this was starting to seem more substantial. And Maguire and others testified to Congress that they had never used them. Only, one could just look at the way Maguire had physically ballooned up over five or six years and suspect that maybe the rumors were true. Maybe his denials were not. And in Bonds' case, the evidence is even more disturbing. So why am I so ho-hum about a guy who has hit 757 home runs? It should be a monumental achievement. But somehow, it just seems so tainted. Bonds was, beyond a doubt, an admirable athlete when I saw him in Los Angeles in the early 90s. But somehow the thought that he and Maguire and Sosa and others accomplished what they did by artificial means just leaves one to wonder if there are any truly amazing athletes out there. A George Brett? A Nolan Ryan? A Hank Aaron?

Maybe we can never go back to the days when there weren't such questions. Maybe that's just the way things has changed. And maybe our society is so capital driven and warped that baseball has sold out. An event like this does bring press attention and sell memoribilia. And so they get richer. Maybe that is all they care about. Integrity seems overrated these days, doesn't it? But it sure is sad to think about. Maybe Barry Bonds deserves to lose his reputation. And then again, maybe enough people don't care how he did it -- just that he did -- that it will never matter in history books.

Perhaps it started with Bill Clinton's claim that he didn't have sex because he defined it differently. Or that the word "is" could be misinterpreted. He seemed to convince a lot of people that morality and integrity in leadership are not important, even from the leader of the free world whose influence stretches far and wide. It continued in many other instances since, and is perpetuated by Hollywood-types who argue that anything they do in the name of art is sacred. Who argue that they have no responsibility to screen themselves or worry about who might be watching. It's pervasive in our culture today: the attitude that personal freedom is more important than personal responsibility. The idea that it's more important that I have total freedom to do whatever I want, than it is that other people live with the freedom to not be offended or see what I do. This argument seems patently ridiculous to me. And it's led to a climate of irresponsibility. I have seen people take their kids to R-rated movies. I have seen people give their kids alcohol. All in the name of this attitude.

It's not the same world I grew up in, for sure. Somehow, I can't help feeling we've really lost something. And maybe we will never recover it.

For what it's worth...

Our Superiority Complex

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,292670,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1651502,00.html

I haven't written here in a while. Mostly because I have been caught up in my own culture clash of sorts. I married my Brazilian fiancee April 14th. No, we don't clash that much. But the cultural differences do keep life interesting. Certain recent events, however, brought to mind something I've been thinking about for a long time.

When you write about culture like this, you get a lot of nasty critiques. I have been slammed for talking about issues with plumbing and things in countries like Ghana or Mexico. Some of these critics were Americans. They think it makes the country sound like Third World. I've got news for you -- it is Third World. Although these days, people from those countries prefer the term "developing world" so I will at least cede them that point. But it's funny to me when Americans get so defensive about another culture. After all, Americans more than anyone are pompous about our own Superiority. We so often take comfort and pride in our own successes, even if its unspoken. And even if we think we don't look down on other countries for their "developing" problems, somehow inside I suspect we all feel a bit smug and pleased that our own nation doesn't have the same issues.

That's why it's interesting to me to see what's happened in New York City this week, and in Minneapolis as well with the Interstate bridge. Whether you have ever been there or not, native New Yorker or not, New York is without a doubt a proud achievement of our country. It is one of the world's great cities, and, as such, a big icon for our nation and our culture. Think of the influence it has -- in the arts, in journalism, television, infrastructure... Two of the leading current Presidential candidates are from New York and there are rumors that a third might throw his hat into the ring, too!

When I travel around the world, people always know New York, even if they don't know Saint Louis or other cities. They know the "big apple." And they know America takes pride in her. So here we are, all superior and proud, and New York is looking a lot like the developing world this week. Subways and airports delayed for hours by flooding. Infrastructure torn up by heavy winds and a tornado. Ok, so the tornado is a natural disaster which can't be helped, but what about the flooding?

Saint Louis has similar problems when we get heavy rain. A few years ago, flooding submerged major portions of downtown. There are still neighborhoods that flood when we get more than a few inches of rain. And Highway 64-40 is like driving on a lake every time we get rain of more than a few minutes. In El Paso, flooding left people stranded on a major interstate last Fall and it is happening again this year with the rains. They have neighborhoods and intersections which regularly flood. Standing in El Paso, you can look across and see the differences in infrastructure with Juarez, Mexico just across the way. And it can make you feel proud or perhaps a bit superior. But if we are so superior, why can't our infrastructure stand up to a little water? How can heavy runs shut down major interstates, flood entire neighborhoods and shut down public transportation?

And then there're our bridges. A report in Time magazine (linked above) reports that we are in big trouble all over the country, because governments have not spent money on maintenance, instead prefering shinier, more high profile new projects. And the results are a collapsed bridge in Minneapolis, several deaths, and many other infrastructure problems every year which are less catastrophic but, given the right circumstances (what if bad infrastructure prevented your escape from a terrorist attack, for one) could be just as problematic.

You might argue that infrastructure withstands many and most situations but extreme ones can always arise beyond its capacity. You might argue that engineers are always working to make improvements and find new ways to prevent such problems. All of that is well and good. But I would argue that we're not as different from these "developing" places as we'd like to think we are, especially in such moments, and it does us a lot of good to be in that situation. All of us need to be humbled from time to time. And I think being reminded that even our own developed nation is not above problems is a good equalizer.

Maybe we can be less cocky when we go to places that seem to have less to brag about. Maybe we won't feel like we have it so much better. This would do international relations a lot of good. And it would promote better understanding. Because any time we focus on commonalities and see ourselves as more alike than different, deepened understanding and better communication can always result. When we approach things from the angle of feeling superior, that's when we create barriers and distance that separate us from others.

It's certainly something to think about. For what it's worth...

Cutthroat Business vs. Old Fashioned Customer Service

I am experiencing a culture clash these days in that everything seems to polarized. There is a general lack of integrity and concern for others who in any way are opposite you. Nowhere is this more signified than American Airlines' handling of my recent travel.

I was flying from Saint Louis to Dallas then to El Paso and back. The flight out of Dallas was delayed first because of a broken copilot's chair. Then we sat there waiting for late passengers for thirty minutes more. THEN we sat there an hour because of a broken wing light. By this time, it was almost 11 and I had had enough. I was not about to go through switching planes and arriving at 2 a.m. It was inconsiderate to my hosts and would severely mess up my sleeping cycle. So I said NO. I want a hotel.

The airline accomodated me with Clarion Hotel. I got to the room to find that every lamp was unplugged, so I used the bare light from the light over the door to stumble around, pulling out beds, etc. to find the outlets. Then the ice machine was broken. When I went down four floors and walked out what seemed like half a mile to the front desk to inquire, they looked at me crossly and asked why I didn't use the ice machine on the first floor -- as if I was a complete bonehead. I didn't even know where it was! The next morning my clothes got wet because the sink would not drain due to an unconnected stopper.

Finally, I made it to El Paso. On my way back, out of El Paso, there were mechanical problems and we had to deplane. The airline ticket agent would not reaccomodate me because she was too busy. I had to wait until they could switch planes, even though they had only standby out of Dallas (we had all missed our connections). I said I would rather stay where I know people than fly somewhere and risk being stranded where I don't. They didn't care.

The flight did leave. They did find me a connection. I got home. But I emailed to complain. After all, I flew 26000 miles last year and gave them a lot of business and money. I still have not heard a peep from them. No apology. Remember Jet Blue? That's how you run an airline. American subscribes to the philosophy of all too many airlines -- we have laws to hide behind that keep us from having to provide good customer service. THEY ARE A SERVICE INDUSTRY! Not even common courtesy seems to be required! If I ran my business like they do, no one would hire me!

I remember the days of "the customer is always right" when businesses worked hard to apologize and make it up to customers who were inconvenienced or disatisfied with their service. Something about this attitude seemed to me to be particularly American. And it was about respect and appreciation. We now live in a culture where such values have gone with the wind. And that clashes with my culture of how I think things should be. It is much more like foreign countries where bureaucracy runs over people with abandon with no thought of such concerns. But I don't want to live in those countries. I want to live in the United States of America -- which used to be a great country and the place everyone wanted to be. It sure doesn't seem so much like that anymore.

For what it's worth...